I could name dozens of sad parts of foster care, as it is inherently pretty sad. One that always freezes time and makes me feel like my heart is being clenched is what kids say to me when they don't understand what is happening.
Our trip was a wonderful break, and the boys were too busy to ask much about Cricket or notice her absence. They played with a little girl from a neighboring campsite and had a blast. Then suddenly Rhinoceros started talking about his sister. Not Cricket, but that this little girl was his new sister, and he kept asking, "Where is my sister?" I know it was just a ball of confusion knowing that Cricket is gone, there's someone missing in our family, and he's trying to fill that hole.
Then I called Cricket's "new granny" (as Cricket had called her once before the move) for an update on Cricket and to talk to her a little bit. When Gina got the phone back from Cricket, she told me about Cricket's last visit with her mom. Apparently when Gina said she was going to see her mom, she said, "No, that's Sissy's mom. She's not my mom. I have my own mom." The poor girl is so confused from the move, from my disappearance. Gina asked me if she had ever said this before, and I said she hadn't.
All I can do is pray, that amidst all the confusion, that somehow Lord they will know that they are loved. They will know that they are not alone.
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