I think honesty is some weird involuntary part of my brain. Sometimes I overshare and don't realize it until the words have escaped my mouth. Sometimes I give vague answers and then realize later that I trust that person and could have been more open.
This makes foster parenting interesting, as we are not supposed to share case details and identifying information. So sometimes I've not wanted to say a specific birthday and say the month instead and get a weird look. Sometimes I start the answer the "how long is he/she staying with you" with a short answer that I realize makes no sense without a longer answer. Or I should smile and nod when someone says something about "such an interesting name" but I end up explaining the origin of the name, which usually leads to more information or questions. I'm a name nerd; it's hard to hold back! And every person I have to weigh in my mind: what level of information should I give to this particular person?
A commenter said it must be hard to have a blog I don't share with local people. It's true, only B knows it exists. I've considered sharing it with a close foster mom friend, but then I know with that door open I'll have trouble not sharing with others, like those in our informal foster mom support group, who are a part of larger Facebook groups that often link to blogs and have agency employees as a part of the groups... I just decided to make tight boundaries and then my involuntary honesty won't kick in at the wrong time. At least it hasn't so far.
And Tadpole is a teeny, tiny guy, so he has attracted attention everywhere we've gone. I got some questions with Cricket (as it's clear she's not my biological child), but I've definitely gotten the most with the babies, especially newborns. He also looks like I could have given birth to him, so I start answering basic questions and then get stuck needing to explain when I can't answer something like "What was his birth weight?"
It's all a little messy. I'll keep doing my best. Maybe I need to do puppet role-play like with my kids with polite short answers like, "I'm not comfortable sharing that, sorry."
I struggle with this so much. How much should we share with my aunts, with my grandparents, with those at church who truly care and want to pray for our little ones? How much do I share on the blog? Do I share too much? Should I use my real first name when blogging? Have I made a mistake by sharing my blog with people I know in real life? Have I made a mistake by not being honest about who I am, and sharing too much info so that I can't share my blog with people in the grocery store who want general information about what fostering is like in our local area? To be honest, I probably would share more information on my blog if my older sister and some of my aunts didn't follow along. But it's too late now, they do. And in some ways, it keeps me accountable to not over-share I guess. When I write, I figure I can always share more later easier than I can take back what I've already put out. Sometimes I wish I was more anonymous so I could share more details, because otherwise I feel like I'm talking too much in our secret foster parenting support group on fb. It's a balance, and I don't know that I've found it yet. (There also aren't many people with my first name who are my age and live in my province who are fostering sisters and pursuing a career in social work, so I kinda feel like I've done a lot to identify myself already). I've made it so my blog can't be found on G's search engine, because I figure there's less of a chance of someone in our province (i.e. agency workers) finding my blog, and I figure people who are legitimately interested in foster blogs will find me through the trail I've left on other blogs.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I just make up a birth weight, they'll never know ;)
I'm so deer-in-headlights, though, that I have a hard time making up a birth weight and sounding confident, but it's a good idea. :) I agree that you would probably be easy to figure out if you were trying to be anonymous, that makes sense. And you're totally right about the "prayer warriors," that's tough.
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