Wednesday, December 18, 2013

No goodbye for awhile

The Call the Supervisor strategy certainly got things going.  Not only did work start on travel plans, but Pterodactyl's grandma was given a deadline to get child care in order, since this transition was weeks past the original plan. 

She didn't meet the deadline.  Pterodactyl stays here.

Lots of emotions here.  I'm disappointed that she's not with her biological family (more besides just the grandma) for this reason.  That disappointment can flare up as anger if I let it.  I'm worn out from spending most of this placement thinking she was going to move there.  I'm fearful of the future, because somehow knowing she was moving to a relative soon was safer than the possibility that she could be with us for a very long time and then leave.  Her case has a goal of reunification and I predict it'll be a long and messy one.  I'm happy, entertaining thoughts that I'd shelved to the back of my mind as improbabilities: celebrating Christmas with her, using Spanish around her and maybe having my first bilingual baby, getting professional pictures of her

I think it all simmers together to set a somber mood for me.  If the news today was that she was leaving Friday, I would have been sad and heartbroken, but also swept up in the activity of having her move and planning a goodbye party.  Part of me would have felt relieved.  Instead, it all feels a bit deflated.  I think contributing to this is that her mom had a complete no show for her visit, which is unusual for her, and when I got all the news about the grandma from the social worker, she was coming out of a meeting with a mom who was sobbing.  Foster care just seemed to suck today.

Now, time for Christmas.  I don't have the necessary documents in hand yet, and will be nervous until I do, but we do have bmom's permission and the judge's permission.  Most of my in-laws haven't met Pterodactyl yet and didn't expect to.  Should be a holiday full of discussion.

Dinosaur, our kindergartener, has his Christmas program tonight.  After foster care, his school is my second big recipient of my cheerleading, as we intentionally chose our neighborhood city school to swim against the strong current of city parents sending their kids to charter, private, and suburban schools.  I believe in his school, and I've been looking forward to seeing him in something like this since we decided to send him there.  I can't wait to cheer him on as well as his classmates and teachers.  Should be something to lift the somber mood a bit.

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