Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Blessed by Pterodactyl

I mentioned that I had a few reasons for wanting the twins as a placement.  One reason was to have a connection to Pterodactyl.  I realized that wasn't a very important reason when there were other things to consider, but I couldn't help but picture monthly sibling visits and getting to see her.  I haven't seen her for about two months, and though I don't think about her constantly, I miss her.  I tried suggesting that her grandma call us for respite, but it hasn't happened.

So, I'm going to connect in my own way and write up the same thing for her that I just wrote for Beetle.

What I Learned from Pterodactyl
  • I learned that the time after a baby's birth can be heartbreaking instead of joyous.  Even though my first days with my biological babies were not perfect, I will not take for granted the happy memories.
  • I learned that foster care is full of awkward situations.
  • I learned having birth parents at doctor's appointments can be a great thing.  Even when it's awkward.
  • I learned my biological sons love babies and have big hearts.
  • I learned that some birth parents will disappoint us, and that it's important to assume the best even when it's a stretch of the imagination.
  • I learned that the future is never certain.  I learned this about Pterodactyl's future with us, but I see my children's future differently now.  I realized how easily and readily I imagine future days that are not promised to me, that I'm not entitled to.
  • I learned that I'm more selfish and judgmental than I thought I was.
What I Loved about Pterodactyl
  • Concerned expression.  Pterodactyl is by far the most serious baby I've ever met, and Dinosaur was not a particularly smiley baby.  Even when she smiled and laughed, within seconds she went back to this look of "What do you think you're doing exactly?" It was so much a part of her that it cracked us up.
  • Cheeks.  I'd never had a baby with cheeks!
  • Hair.  She was born with lots of silky hair, which took on a life of its own.  It did make me nervous at times that I wasn't caring for it properly despite my best efforts to be informed, but how much fun to have a baby with a full head of hair.
  • Baby girl clothes.  If I never have a girl again, a selfish little part of me is happy that I had the chance to enjoy shopping for baby girl clothes.  And I'm not usually much of a shopper.
  • Her love for baths.  It was a nice time to be just the two of us.
  • Her low-pitched little baby voice.  At 7 months by the time she moved, she wasn't talking, but when she made little noises, they were these quiet little things.  Her (very rare) laugh was like "heh heh."
  • Her name.  I can't share it, of course, but her mom picked a name that I had never heard before and may have never chosen for my own child because pronunciation difficulties, but I thought it was just beautiful all the same.  I loved saying it.  I'm dying to know what she's going to name the twins.
I'm sending out a prayer that whatever Pterodactyl is up to right now (hopefully sleeping), she feels a little bit of peace knowing that I still love her, over here in my house with an empty nursery.

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