I think I have a lot of writing to get out, but I haven't been able to do it yet. At first I felt catharsis after Cricket left, then I felt irritable and just not myself. I had a great Mother's Day and feel pretty happy, but there's still some weird numbness about it all. Kids leaving your home when they've been so central to your life, to your heart. It's just weird.
I sent a text to Gina* today. I imagined being in her shoes on Mother's Day. I don't know her relationships with her children and if they are positive, but I know she is doing more mothering than grandmothering than she expected. I'm sure she didn't plan on a 3-year-old living with her, but she has embraced Cricket and loved her. So, I just sent her a note saying I want to acknowledge all she does for Cricket and her sister and to wish her a happy Mother's Day.
I sent my own mom a little package, made a Facebook post, Skyped. Mostly I was thinking of her sacrifices she made when we were young kids, especially as my dad worked long hours, and her tender heart that I've inherited. She's taught me that when you have a heart for hurting people, you act on it even though it may cause you pain, and I'm very grateful for that.
There are some mothers I won't speak to today, but I'm thinking of them. Here are some of my thoughts and prayers:
For a mother who knows she will never parent some of her children, who is still fighting for one, who went to rehab. I pray that she can overcome addiction, and also that her children will know they are loved and valuable no matter how successful she is in her fight against addiction.
For a mother who knows she will never parent some of her children, who seems to have given up. I pray she knows that God never ever gives up on her.
For a mother who came to the United States for a better future for her children, and then had to pick up the pieces as her daughter lost her children.
For a mother who made little mistake after little mistake that added up to disaster. I pray that she knows she is not stupid. She is a child of God, wonderfully created.
For a mother who faced a childhood of abandonment and neglect herself before becoming a mother. I pray that she accepts the help that she needs and claims her identity in Christ, that the foundation of belief in God that she has expressed will overwhelm her life and help her overcome her obstacles.
Motherhood can be beautiful, but it can also be broken and tragic. I pray for redemption, for this imperfect mother and all the others.
*sister's grandma, forgot I started using this name until I started looking back at old posts