I talked to Cricket again over the phone, after talking to Gina. We made plans for a play date at a park next week. Her therapist suggested a play date with Gina there rather than me coming to pick her up, which is smart. We decided to have Cricket's sister there as well, just to help with any worries Cricket may have that we're coming to take her from her new home.
I keep playing back in my mind, those precious fifteen minutes I had with Pterodactyl, one month after she moved. When she looked at me quizzically, and reached her hand up to touch my face. To see if this was still the person who played the role of mother in her life for seven months.
Cricket is older, and she will talk more and interact more, but I know the same question may be in her heart. Is this still the person who played the role of mother in my life for seven months?
I long to hold her, but I know I will be overcome with the emotion that will bring. Will she ask me to pick her up? And hold her like a baby?
I'm also having the anniversary longings to see and hold Caterpillar, the same way last year I was longing to see and hold Pterodactyl as annual events brought up memories. We went to the same park today that we went to about a year ago with him, where I pushed him on a swing and have some precious pictures. I really miss that happy little guy.
I hold them all in my heart and never let go.