This week? It's been intense. Different than first foster placement intense, different than withdrawing newborn intense, but seriously intense.
I gave a Facebook call out to my friends of ideas of getting my new crew of three to and from Dinosaur's bus stop twice a day. I was thinking Cricket and Rhinoceros combined would be too big for our double stroller, but I tried it today and it worked all right. Other days, I pulled them in a wagon, which Cricket now wants to pull with me as she walks. She is so, so opposite of my boys in some ways. I have never had a "do it myself" kid, and while it can be a pain, it is so refreshing to have a child eagerly insist on walking. I swear it has never happened in this household.
One idea suggested, from a friend probably imagining a smaller child than Cricket's size, was to wear her in a baby carrier. I laughed a bit, as I had never carried my other two at this size, but it made me pause. I do have a sturdy and trusty mei tai (like this one but a different pattern). I know that children who have gone through trauma and separation need attention as if they are younger than their age, so as Cricket's clinginess increased throughout the week, I gave it a shot and put her on my back. She was a fan, and the kitchen floor got swept. The second time I tried it, she was a little more wiggly, but it was still totally doable for twenty minutes or so. Not really uncomfortable or a strain on my back at all, just tiring if I had to crouch to get something.
B did suggest I not call it a backpack (she likes backpacks) or she may tell someone I put her a backpack for twenty minutes at a time. Might be a bit confusing.
Every child we've had in our home has been in that mei tai or my Moby wrap. Every time it felt so good to have them close. There is little I love more than a snuggly baby in a carrier. I think with Cricket I almost need to set an alarm to remember to try out some carrying time. I am getting so caught up in the constant attention the kids are asking of me that I forget to try another approach, rather than try to decide if this time I'm going to carry her up the stairs or not, or if this time I'm going to separate them so they'll stop yelling at each other.
Breathe. Try new things. Forgive myself. Breathe. Try again.