We continue with a serious mix of discouraging things we see and encouraging things. So much of it is normal for a child this age and normal for a child this age who has just been separated from her family. However, it is still a new and challenging experience to us as Cricket has joined our family.
Discouraging: Cricket still needs one of us in the room to fall asleep most of the time.
Encouraging: She is not waking up at night (unless you define 5:30 am as night).
Discouraging: There is lots of senseless arguing between Cricket and Rhinoceros (YES! NO! YES! NO!.. and they have no idea what the topic is).
Encouraging: They are starting to separate a bit more as needed instead of both clinging to my ankles/lap at all times. Rhinoceros just figured out how to happily ride his trike around in circles, and that couldn't have come at a better time.
Discouraging: Lots of sadness around nap time and bedtime.
Encouraging: She no longer cries to eat every time she is upset.
Discouraging: The tears when I leave to go anywhere break my heart.
Encouraging: She goes to bed well for B when he handles bedtime for all 3 on his own.
Discouraging: Along with grabbing toys, there's more hitting, biting, and pushing than the first week.
Encouraging: She will sit for "time-in" and talks about what she did. Rhinoceros hasn't been taking the cue to hit her back so far.
Sadly, the toddlerwearing approach from my last post may be on hold. My back has been hurting from sitting or lying by Cricket's bedside for longer periods of time. Those long times try my patience, as they always have with babies, especially if I can't just watch TV to pass the time.
Sometimes I've been reading by the hallway light, but she really does seem to stay still best if I am lying still on the floor next to her bed. So, I try to remember to use that time to pray for her, her family, the caseworker, the judge, each person in our family, etc. etc. I remember that these sacrifices of time are important to her and more important than what I want to be doing with that time.
Our pastor gave a great talk once about Psalm 23:2 - "He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters." He told about when he was a young man, he was trying to do everything and thought he was invincible: he could be a student, work several jobs, and sleep too little. He took pride in how he could take on so much unlike others that couldn't handle it. Until one day when he had an accident in one of the jobs due to his exhaustion that cut off part of one of his fingers. It was a wake-up call that was God "making him lie down" because he wouldn't be humble enough to rest as he needed.
So, I don't want to lie down from 12:30-1:30 in the afternoon, or from 5:30-6:30 am, not sleeping but listening to the rustlings of a tired child who can't quite settle. I want to be doing work for my job that has to be done at home. I want to cross of my to-do list of phone calls and e-mails for appointments, sitters to cover child care for appointments. I want to be connecting with the outside world via the internet. I want control of my time. I even thought through this blog post as I was lying down and still I was incredibly irritated to be lying there tonight because it's not how I wanted things to go.
But He makes me lie down.
I tell God, how can I spend time with Him during these constant changes of routine? I open my Bible at breakfast, but I have three voices talking at me. Every day is all over the place.
He makes me lie down, and I can be still, and be with Him.