My heart is still heavy with knowing that Caterpillar will have to adjust to a new home in his little life, and that it's not ours. My heart is heavy that I have looked up how the parents of our former foster babies are doing, and they are not doing well. My heart is heavy that Cricket has been asking constantly to see her mom, and yet two visits in a row were missed. I don't have a number I can call for her to wish Cricket a happy Thanksgiving. My heart is heavy with the events in Ferguson, tears flowing from knowing that there is no quick fix.
But I am thankful.
I am thankful that Cricket is coming with us to my parents' house out of state for Thanksgiving. Last year we brought Pterodactyl with us. I know my family is kind, compassionate, and thoughtful. I think a holiday may be more challenging for Cricket because of her age and her possible sensory issues, but I'll be with people who will give us space and grace. I found these ideas to be helpful, and I hope we can be responsive and kind when Cricket throws us a curveball.
I am thankful that we have come so far. Two and a half months ago, we were up through the night with a scared child who could only cry that she wanted to eat. She wasn't hungry, but she couldn't figure out how to process what was going on; she just knew that it was all wrong. Don't get me wrong, she is still having a very hard time, and understandably so. But she can communicate with us. A two-year-old is telling us feelings, and that's pretty incredible. And we have all adjusted for what life feels like in our home, caring for Cricket and her needs. It's still a process, but we have also come so far.
I am thankful we have a hope in Jesus, and the Holy Spirit with us, interceding when our groans are just pain and sorrow, incomprehensible. Like Cricket, trying to sleep in a strange house, crying "I wanna ee-eat," though her stomach was full. All our incomprehensible cries are heard, and we are all loved.